Why You Should Include Children in Funerals

Including children in funerals at funeral homes in Geddes, NY is often a dilemma for many family members. Obviously, if children are too young to understand what’s going on, it’s best that you have someone take care of them during the funeral. But, by the time children are five or six, they are old enough to understand death and loss.

This is especially important if your loved one was a close relative – parent, sibling, grandparent, aunt, uncle, or cousin – because if you don’t include them in the funeral, they will always feel a lack of closure and they will have a sense that they were shut out of something very important to them.

Children who are old enough to understand the death of a loved one should be involved in funerals so they begin, in a safe environment, surrounded by love, comfort, and support, to learn about loss and learn about how it changes life.

Gathering together with friends and other family members during the funeral gives children the opportunity to give and receive comfort, as well as to be involved in the sharing of memories of the loved one who has died. By doing this, children are able to understand that many of the feelings they are experiencing are shared feelings among those who are at the funeral.

If you are thinking about involving your children in the funeral of a loved one, you should first explain to them what is involved and then let them choose whether they want to attend or not. Your children should not feel like they are being forced into something they aren’t comfortable with.

If your children choose not to attend the funeral, ask gentle questions to find out what their reasons are. Children experience death in a different way than adults because they don’t know as much as adults do about death.

Children who choose not to go the funeral may have fears that have their genesis in fictional things they have read or seen. By finding out why your children don’t want to go, you have the opportunity to address any fears or misconceptions they have about death and funerals.

And, even if your children still don’t want to go, they have accurate information to use to process the death of your loved one.

If your children choose to go the funeral, be sure to talk with the funeral director about their accommodations for children at the service. Find out if there is a family lounge in the funeral home where your children can take a break if they need to.

When your children attend the funeral of a loved one, they are taking a giant step in life toward learning how to healthily acknowledge and accept the loss of a loved one. Many of their cues will come from you and other adults they are close to, so it’s important to remember that you’re modeling adjustment to the loss of a loved one for your children.

That doesn’t mean you can’t express sadness or that you can’t cry when you need to. By showing your own emotional reactions to losing someone you love, you let your children know that it’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to cry. Losing a loved one hurts.

As you go through the days, weeks, and months after your loved one has died, you should have conversations with your children about your loved one, about how you’re feeling, and about how they’re feeling.

As time goes on, you and your children will begin to share memories and stories about your loved one that are comforting, humorous, and fond. This sets a healthy pattern for your children as they experience future and inevitable losses in their lives.

For more information about children attending funerals at funeral homes in Geddes, NY, our compassionate and experienced team at Bagozzi Twins Funeral Home, Inc. is here to help you.