Explaining Death and Grief to Kids
Seeing children at funerals at funeral homes in Camillus, NY may be rare, but it doesn’t mean that kids aren’t just as profoundly affected by grief and death as the adults around them are. In fact, a child’s first experience with death may be confusing and may be scary and may be a mystery.
A six-year-old little girl slept every night between her grandpa and grandma, who were raising her. They offered love, security, and peace for the little girl whose mother had died when she was three days old and whose father was in and out of a VA hospital with lungs severely damaged by mustard gas in World War I.
Nothing was more comforting for the little girl than being snuggled in between her grandparents each night. One night, however, she awoke to find herself in a different bed alone. She got up, and seeing the lights in the house on, wandered back to her grandparents’ bedroom. Her grandma wasn’t there, but her grandpa was lying on the bed, pennies covering both eyes.
The little girl went over to try to wake him up, but her grandfather didn’t move. She began to cry, not knowing that he was dead, and her grandmother came in and scooped her up. Her grandmother carried her out of the room and, holding her close, explained that her grandpa had died and what that meant for them.
This happened in the mid-1930’s, a time in America where death was as much a part of life as life was. The little girl understood that her grandpa was gone.
Today, as all Americans have distanced themselves from dying and death, avoiding thinking about it and talking about it, children have little concept about what dying and death actually mean in real life.
They may see a lot of dying and death in popular entertainment, but that has little effect on them emotionally. However, the death of someone close and someone they love can throw them into a tailspin emotionally because it’s real for them.
Adults who are grieving may find it difficult to talk to their kids about grief and death, but it’s important to help them through the process even as the adults are going through the process.
Here are a few recommendations for talking with kids about grief and death.
The first is simply be honest with kids. The best way is to talk about the facts of death. Explain what the loved one died of and what will happen to them with the funeral. Most of all, explain that they are not hurting or suffering – especially if the loved one had an extended or terminal illness – and explain that death is the natural end of life for everyone.
The second thing is to let the kids talk. Let them ask questions. When they do ask questions, answer them directly. Kids are very literal, so avoid using euphemisms or phrases that can be confusing.
All answers, however, should be age-appropriate. Very young children, for instance, don’t need all the gory details of a tragic car accident or a long battle with cancer. What they do need to know if that the person loved them, they died, and they are not coming back.
For more information about talking with kids about death at funeral homes in Camillus, NY, our compassionate and experienced team at Bagozzi Twins Funeral Home, Inc. is here to help you. You can visit our funeral home at 2601 Milton Ave., Solvay, NY 13209, or you can call us today at (315) 468-2431.
