The Pain of Losing a Child

Posted on August 10, 2020 by Bagozzi Twins Funeral Home under blog, cremations
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cremation services in Syracuse, NY

After cremation services for your child in Syracuse, NY, you are experiencing a unique kind of loss and grief. Children aren’t supposed to die before their parents, and having your child die before you – in a sense, out of time and order – is heartbreaking.

The loss of your child is more than their physical death and the circumstances that brought that death. Your grief is compounded beyond their permanent absence in your life and in your family.

When your child dies, you have, first and foremost, lost an extension of yourself and your family. Your child’s death, in a sense, causes part of you to die with them. This kind of loss can bring excruciating grief.

The intensity of this kind of grief will be hard for most people, unless they too have lost their children, to comprehend. It’s a grief that is numbing, exhausting, and paralyzing. You will find that everything, whether it’s big or small, takes a massive amount of energy and when you’re done, you have no energy left.

You will also find that your ability to interact with other people and to take in information is severely limited. Because the grief of losing a child is so deep and so intense, it literally takes up almost all your mental and emotional resources.

This means that you probably won’t feel like talking to anyone – perhaps even your immediate family – very much. One reason is because speech requires engagement and thought, and your grief over your child’s death doesn’t leave you adequate resources for that.

Another reason why you may not feel like talking much with anyone after your child’s death is because it’s overwhelming. Too many questions will be thrown at you that you don’t know the answers to. Too many well-meaning friends and family members, in the belief that they’re helping you by getting your mind on other things, will talk extensively about their own lives. This will probably strike you as absurd, if not as insensitive to the great pain that you are experiencing.

Your grief over the death of your child will be hard to explain to people, even if they ask you about it, because it’s a multifaceted grief that encompasses the past, the present, and the future.

The past that you grieve over are the memories of your child. From their first breath of life and cries of proof of that life through all the years that you had with them will be at the heart of your memories. You will find yourself reminiscing a lot about particular moments with your child, about milestones in their lives, about the things that made them endearing to you and others.

The present that you grieve about is the reality that your child has died. That has left a void in your life and in the lives of your immediate family. That has left a void in the routine of your household, if your child was still living at home. All the activities that they were involved in and the friendships that they cultivated are suddenly missing. If your child was grown and out of your home, it means a void in special occasions and even in your interactions with their spouses and children.

cremation services in Syracuse, NY

The third part of your grief is for the future that your child will never experience. All your hopes and dreams, as well as theirs, have been abruptly erased, never to be fulfilled.

Be kind and patient and gentle with yourself as you go through this grieving process for your child. The grief you’re experiencing now will not always be such a heavy and exhausting burden. However, while it is, let yourself off the hook for all the things you can’t do, and take the time you need to heal so you can move forward.

If you’d like to know more about cremation services in Syracuse, NY, our compassionate and experienced team at Bagozzi Twins Funeral Home, Inc. is here to help.

Bagozzi Twins Funeral Home

Serving families in Solvay, NY, the Greater Syracuse area, and all of Central New York for over 90 years, we are honored to have earned many awards for service excellence and customer satisfaction.

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