Grudges and Dying
A full range of cremation services is offered in Syracuse, NY, but before people need them, they may have to deal with grudges and dying. Grudges come from all sorts of things. Some of them come from being abused or abandoned by someone who was supposed to protect and support you. Some of them come from real slights, both major and minor, while others come from imagined slights about things that never happened.
Some grudges are long-held, passing down through generations of families and friends. Others may be very recent, but strong enough to create a permanent fissure in a relationship.
But whatever the source of the grudges, they may make you feel – even believe – that there is no way you can visit or say goodbye to the person you have the grudge with when they are dying.
In some cases, such as those of abuse or abandonment, visiting your abuser or the person who abandoned you when they are dying is simply not feasible, or possibly even safe, especially if they are still abusive.
However, in cases where the grudges are because of something that did happen or that you thought happened where you were not treated fairly or justly or cases where the grudges have been passed down through so many generations as a tradition without any real knowledge or understanding of what the original issue between the original two people (or families) was, it can often be a mistake not to visit the dying person against whom you’re holding the grudge.
People, especially in families, can often fight and get angry over things, especially in inheritances, that lead them to hold grudges against other family members for the rest of their lives. It can be quite surprising to discover the source of enmity is often a minor possession that one family member believes they were entitled to, but it was given to another family member, who doesn’t want to give it up.
With friends, sometimes grudges are a simple misunderstanding of something that was said or done and it was never discussed nor cleared up in an effort to mend the relationship.
Forgiveness is one of the most powerful things we can do for someone who is dying. Whether we see them or not, we can forgive them. We don’t even have to let them know we’ve forgiven them, but we have to take the steps to do it to release us from the prison that grudges often keep us in.
Holding on to a grudge hurts only us. The person against whom we have the grudge may not even know that we have a grudge against them. They have gone on with their lives, unencumbered by the anger and resentment that often lies at the heart of grudges, and now they are dying, still not touched emotionally by the smoldering emotions that wash over us when we think of them.
Forgiveness grudges frees us from those negative emotions and gives us a chance to show someone else mercy, whether they deserve it or not, just as we’ve been shown mercy at times when didn’t deserve it.
By forgiving a grudge against someone who’s dying, we also relieve ourselves of guilt and regrets after they die, especially if we could not see them or chose not to. And that’s a gift we can give ourselves.
If you’d like to know more about cremation services in Syracuse, NY, our compassionate and experienced team at Bagozzi Twins Funeral Home, Inc. is here to help. You can visit us at our funeral home at 2601 Milton Ave., Solvay, NY 13209, or you can call us today at (315) 468-2431.
