Dreading Another Death Anniversary
After funerals at funeral homes in Syracuse, NY, we grieve the loss of our loved ones in our own unique ways. The initial grief of losing someone we love is usually very intense. It follows the space of a few days where we’ve been numb, in shock, and simply doing what needed to be done after our loved one died.
Once the funeral over, though, and we don’t have to “be on stage” anymore for other people, the numbness and the shock is replaced by the full impact of grief. While grief changes over time, usually mellowing into mostly good and fond memories, with brief incidents, because of a trigger, of short-lived intense grief, most of us dread the death anniversaries of our loved ones.
But there are some positive things that we can do to make the death anniversaries of our loved ones much less dread filled.
The first thing we should always do is acknowledge the date of our loved one’s death. If you buy a yearly wall calendar or you have a day planner, find the date and write down their name and the date they died. That way, when the death anniversary comes, it will not come as a surprise.
This is key to being able to plan what we will do to acknowledge our loved one’s life. We might get together with family members and share a meal and memories, or we may go visit their grave and place flowers. By planning in advance, the death anniversary can have meaning instead of dread.
Another thing that we can do dread death anniversaries less is to talk or write about our loved one. If you are someone who expresses your feelings and emotions best by talking them out, then find a trusted friend or a close family member who will listen as you process your feelings about the death anniversary and your loved one.
Some people express their feelings better through writing. If you have a journal, then write about what you’re feeling and how special your loved one was to you and why you miss them. Some people have personal blogs and they will publicly talk about their feelings for their loved one in a blog post.
Whatever method you choose is fine. The most important thing is to process the feelings and emotions, some of which can cause us to dread death anniversaries, to sort through them and to be able to move through them more easily.
Death anniversaries can be hard to deal with because we still have regrets about and guilt concerning our loved one. All these hit us when the initial onslaught of grief begins. We can agonize over what we should have done, what we could have done, what we would have done. We can wish certain things didn’t happen.
We can wrestle with guilt about our relationships with our loved one. Some of that guilt can go as far back as we knew our loved one, and the things we are feeling guilty about may have already been fixed and forgiven.
Before our loved one’s next death anniversary, we need to forgive ourselves. Regrets over things that we can’t change simply need to be acknowledged (with a conscious decision not to repeat them, if we find ourselves in the same situation again) and forgiven and forgotten. Guilt needs to be shelved as well, because it’s a past we can’t change. All we can do is take the lessons, learn from them, and move toward the future.
For more information about funerals at funeral homes in Syracuse, NY, our compassionate and experienced team at Bagozzi Twins Funeral Home, Inc. is here to help you. You can visit our funeral home at 2601 Milton Ave., Solvay, NY 13209, or you can call us today at (315) 468-2431.
